Youthful Summer

My dear Taylor, as per request, I will provide you with a bonafide critique.  

Thank you for participating in Authors-Club's annual contest. We were ecstatic to read through your entry, while you did not win it was not due to a lack of vigor, creativity, or originality. Your poem is well written, just missing that certain something that us judges were looking for. 

Now, let me begin:

As I was reading through the poem I did not feel any particular emotion - it felt like more of a laundry list of what a child does during the summer. I found it to read like a strong foundation with rickety frame work.

Albeit, it is an innocent read and seems as if the narrator's inner child (who is the epicenter of the poem) is reflecting on their naivety. 

Drawing from the image prompt, I imagined more of a focus on the colorful bubble and potential childhood memories. To each his own. 

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I enjoy the focused use of commas and the sparing use of periods. There is an uninterrupted flow to the poem and I FEEL as if I'm floating through the sentences. 

Although, grammatically speaking, the capitalization of the words at the beginning of each line after a comma can be a little distracting.

If you read the poem aloud, it runs on and even at the commas (pauses) I am running out of breath. This may just be me...I could not be reading it as you imagined and I would be at fault.

Let's take this for an example: "The days I spent outside in the summertime / Laughing and playing / By myself / With friends / It never mattered to me..." When you read it to your real or imaginary audience it sounds a little choppy.

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"Days" is used twice in the first three lines, becoming a little redundant. 

"Sitting on a swing / I remember the days of my youth." This stanza creates a nice setting for the rest of the poem.

"Jumping off swings at their apex" is one of the strongest lines, in my opinion. I love the imagery it evokes in only six words. 

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"Watching bubbles sparkle in the sunlight..." I was expecting more of a BAM! The image prompt is a bubble so I thought that this line would be the real catch. 

The last stanza seems a little awkward. Maybe a little change such as, "Now that I've grown up / I'm stressed - more worries..." maybe something like that.

This poem, like many, has GREAT potential and I believe that with a few tweaks it can be made even more special. I am able to relate to the fun childhood memories and I think that if you are able to capture it more holistically, placing the reader into your shoes then the poem will tug at my heartstrings more! 

You are a very good writer and I look forward to delving into more of your works! Keep up the excellent work, m'dear!