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:iconspiderlondon:
In the first stanza you messed up the last line 'cause it doesn't rhyme with 'sky'. Also with most poems it's always good to either end off the last word of every line with a semicolon, comma or period to show your going to another line. I could easily see what you were talking about in this poem and I have to admit I like it. You also made the poem like most famous poets do, you made it where the readers know that there is a hidden meaning in it and you have to read it enough times or with enough perspective to understand it. Most poets have a hard time with writing that way but you did wonderfully. Good job. Just work on the puntucation.
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:iconpsyghostis:
Psyghostis Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The word 'nigh' doesn't rhyme with 'sky'? Because I think you might be mistaking the word for night, as 'nigh' does indeed rhyme with sky.

As for the punctuation, I intended it largely to be that way (and I do apologise if this seems backlack for requested critique, but I do feel the need to say that to each individual artist their own voice, even when the readers prefer, or are used to, something else), but reading it back, I see where they could be handy after 'nigh' and 'fall'.

Many thanks for the critique and comment; it's greatly appreciated.
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:iconspiderlondon:
SpiderLondon Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Well I guess it's cause I ain't use to the word 'nigh' that I didn't know it would rhyme with 'sky'. Hm, well I failed xD. Well I guess your one of many poets who write differently that most, which is perfectly fine because it shows how unique you are. Thanks for telling me why you wrote the way you wrote.
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